Sometimes relationships survive for reasons that have nothing to do with love. They exist not because two people still choose each other and not because passion refuses to fade. LOL Certainly not because destiny keeps pulling them back together. Sometimes they survive because someone cannot survive the possibility that life might continue without them at its center.

Not the reality... Just the possibility. The possibility that someone they once loved could laugh again... Build a home again... Love another woman maybe... and potentially even love her children... Grow old inside a future that no longer belongs to them... And for some people, that possibility is more terrifying than losing the relationship itself. The possibility.... Lost possibility... Think about it! possibility is not what is real... but someone COULD... 

That is the moment when love quietly stops being love... It becomes something much darker... 

From the outside, it may look like a fight for the relationship, a fight for marriage, a fight for justice, a natural response to betrayal. People will actually talk about "saving relationship" and actually doing the saving aka going to therapies, seeing Priests, making sure that friends and family influences... And at first, it really is. People feel pain, humiliation, anger, the collapse of trust. They believe they want only one thing: for justice to be restored, for the guilty to answer for what happened, for the wound to stop bleeding.

But over time, something almost imperceptible begins to happen. Justice quietly changes its face. It no longer seeks to restore what was broken, reveal the truth, or heal the wound. In fact, healing is no longer even the point, because healing would require grieving, accepting the loss, and allowing life to continue... Instead, justice slowly transforms into control. At first, the person believes they are fighting for the relationship. Then they convince themselves they are fighting for what is right - here you'd see threats, Jerry Springer shows type dramas... Eventually, without even realizing it, they are no longer fighting for love at all... They are fighting against the possibility that life could move forward without them. The relationship itself is no longer the goal. The person they claim to love is no longer the goal. What becomes unbearable is something far more profound: the mere possibility that somewhere beyond their reach another future could exist. A future where the person who once loved them laughs again, builds a home with someone else, falls in love again, loves another woman's children, or another man's children, creates memories they will never be part of, slowly stops looking back, and one day discovers a happiness greater than the one they ever shared together. That imagined future becomes more painful than the betrayal itself. And that is the moment everything changes. They are no longer trying to save love. They are trying to prevent the future from happening. 

And here an old saying suddenly reveals a far darker meaning than most people ever realize.

"If I can't have you, no one will."

Most people hear those words as possessiveness, jealousy, or rage. But beneath them lies something far more disturbing. What they are really saying is: "I cannot survive the existence of a world in which you belong to someone else. I cannot bear watching a future unfold that no longer includes me." The battle is no longer about the person. It is about preventing another future from becoming real.

And this is where something profoundly dark begins to emerge. Human beings were created to participate in creation itself. We are constantly invited to create life, relationships, families, meaning, beauty, healing, wisdom, and new possibilities. But the moment our entire existence becomes organized around preventing someone else's future (and ours too!) from unfolding, we quietly step out of creation and into destruction.

At first, we stop creating our own life because all of our energy becomes consumed by the fight... we call it "fight for justice", "fight for relationship"...  Then something even more tragic happens: we begin trying to prevent another human being from creating their lives. We no longer seek to heal what was broken, we begin resisting life itself. We stand in front of the future and declare, "You shall not pass. NOT LIKE THIS! ONLY HOW I WANT!"

This is where pride reaches one of its most subtle forms. A person begins deciding which futures deserve to exist and which must be destroyed. Which love is legitimate and which must be punished. Which family is allowed to be born and which must never come into being (and here we see threats of public shaming to destroy another human being, "Jerry Springers", guilt trips and reminders until death do us part).  Without realizing it, they slowly place themselves where only life itself belongs. They begin acting as judge, creator, and executioner all at once. Playing God? Because without YOU God is useless? 

Perhaps this is why the Devil has always fascinated me as an archetype. Not because it represents punishment, evil, or some external force waiting to condemn us, but because it represents distortion. A profound distortion of reality itself. A state in which suffering becomes identity, control disguises itself as justice, revenge calls itself loyalty, and the refusal to let life move forward is mistaken for love...

The greatest tragedy is not that such a person destroys their own future. That alone would be heartbreaking enough. The tragedy is that they begin pulling others into the same prison, believing they are protecting marriage/relationship, defending justice, or honoring sacred vows, while unconsciously serving something entirely different. They are no longer protecting love. They are protecting a world in which no one is allowed to live... to be free to make choices... to make mistakes... to experience their own purpose of life... 

And this is where an entirely different game begins. There is revenge that destroys openly. It shouts... It threatens... It humiliates... It promises to take away wealth, reputation, family, or dignity... That kind of revenge is obvious, you can see it coming. You can defend yourself against it.

But there is another kind of revenge: quieter... stickier... Faaaaaar more dangerous. It is the revenge of holding on! It does not say, “I will destroy you.” It says, “You wanted to leave? Then you will stay. And every day you will remember what you did.”

This is no longer love. It is not even necessarily hatred, although it would be close to hatred. It is an addiction to power over the situation. An addiction to control. To the struggle itself. To making sure another person never gets to experience happiness outside the system that once contained them. A person may say, “I am fighting for us.” But in reality, they are no longer fighting for the relationship. They are fighting against the future that could exist without them. The tragedy is that they honestly believe that they are fighting for relationship, they are simply unconscious. 

This is where the darkest layer of the triangle is born. Jealousy is often misunderstood. People think jealousy is the fear of losing a person. Sometimes it is something much deeper. Sometimes what we fear losing is not the person at all. It is the future we imagined. A woman imagines him waking up beside someone else. Laughing with her. Building a home with her. Maybe even loving her child or children. Growing old together. Sharing holidays... Creating their memories. Becoming part of another family...  That future may exist only in her imagination. Yet the psyche experiences it as if it were already real. And that is when the battle changes. No longer against the affair, no longer against betrayal, and no longer even against another woman... It becomes a war against the possibility of someone else's happiness.

“Do not let it happen.”

That becomes the new religion. Do not let them build a life. Do not let him choose her. Do not let the world forget. Do not let another woman become happy instead of punished. Do not let him love not only her, but her children, her home, her future. Do not let life continue. At that point, keeping the man is no longer an act of love. It becomes an act of revenge. He is no longer needed as a living human being. He becomes proof! A trophy! A hostage! A thing you own now...  A permanent reminder to another woman: “You did not get him.” na na na boo boo And at the same time, a permanent reminder to him: “You are not free... and never will be... not with HER!”

This is the moment represented by the Devil archetype. Not something evil... it is not sexuality. But captivity! The point where a person no longer controls the game. The game begins controlling them! At first they seek justice. Then victory. Then control. Eventually they cannot live without the struggle itself. The struggle becomes the source of identity. Without the rival, there is nothing left to prove! Without betrayal, there is nothing left to justify! Without conflict, there is no clear answer to the question: “Who am I now?” Without control comes emptiness...

And this is where the third person in the triangle becomes psychologically indispensable. She/he must be hated. Blamed. Shamed. Condemned. Yet she/he is SOOO needed... Because without her, the stage disappears! Without her, there is no reason to keep fighting! Without her, the illusion of control begins to collapse! Without her, there is no shame or guilt or manipulation for drama! Without her, it becomes painfully obvious that the relationship itself has long since stopped being sustained by love. It survives on fear... pain... power struggle... Addiction... 

That is why these systems become almost impossible to escape. One person cannot leave because guilt has become their prison. Another cannot let go because pain has become their source of power. And the third keeps wondering why their energy is still being pulled into a story they no longer belong to... 

Then one day it becomes clear. Perhaps she was never needed only by the man. Perhaps she was needed by the game itself!  She became the threat. The proof of betrayal! The reason to compete. The reason to hold on. The mirror reflecting a future that someone else could not bear to lose. 

That is why no one wins. Not until someone refuses to keep playing... Not by proving anything... Not by exposing THA truth... Not by waiting for someone to wake up. Simply by walking away... Because inside a system governed by the Devil, love becomes evidence against you. Freedom becomes betrayal... Happiness becomes injustice... Silence becomes guilt... Leaving becomes the beginning of another trial.... 

The only way out is to withdraw your energy. To stop being the fuel. To stop being the enemy. To stop trying to prove that your love was real. To stop waiting for a person living inside someone else's control to suddenly become free. 

Freedom begins the moment you stop asking, “Why are they still there?” and begin asking, “Why is my life still connected to their prison?” Because sometimes the greatest tragedy is not that someone refuses to choose. The greatest tragedy is that the system itself no longer wants a choice! It simply wants continuation. Repetition. A never-ending confirmation that pain still matters. And then the only person who has any chance of living is the one who steps out of the play. Even if they loved deeply, even if they were used, even if their energy once sustained another home, even if the entire structure begins to collapse after they leave... Because not every fight for a relationship is an expression of love. Sometimes it is a fight for power. Sometimes it is the terror of losing control. Sometimes it is revenge disguised as loyalty. And sometimes it is a profound addiction to a game in which no one is happy anymore, yet everyone keeps playing the role they have learned by heart.

Perhaps the most honest question is this: if we truly love someone, do we need to hold them at any cost? Or do we want them to have a life that is genuinely alive, even if it no longer includes us?

Because love lets go, even through unbearable pain. Obsession holds on, even through hatred.