There are texts that are not written as gratitude. they unfold more like a confession, a recognition, where you suddenly realize you are not speaking about a person, but about a turning point in your own life. Ra Uru Hu did not offer comfort. He did not hand me a beautiful illusion to hide inside. He did something far more unsettling, and because of that, far more valuable. He removed the need to search! I just realized that I have never lost anything, so there is no need to find anything, actually. 

At first, something in you resists this. Because everything we are taught, psychologically, culturally, even spiritually, is built around searching. Find yourself. Find meaning. Find love... mission... purpose... goal... Find your path. But what if there is nothing to find? What if life is not a problem to solve, but a territory to experience? 

Then only one thing remains. Exploration! Adventure! And somehow, that aligned with my nature more than anything else ever had. I always called it - process! I always enjoyed this process... Never movement toward a final destination, but immersion into the process itself. Never achievement, rather participation (no guarantees that I'd get to the final destination though). Never control, but awareness.

He did not give me a goal. He gave me tension. Ra did not give me an answer, he offered me friction I could not escape! I thought it was not my path... but it is! And within that friction, something began to reveal itself, something worth standing for... Inner force that no longer depended on external validation! 

What once expressed itself as self-sabotage, as unconscious movement against myself, began to transform into a sense of direction... emerging from within.... uncomfortable at times, even painful, but unmistakably mine! I don’t need what belongs to someone else, but I will not give up what is mine.

At some point, you realize something else. You were given a map!!! Not a map of the world... That does not exist.... A map of yourself! And that realization is almost shocking. Because what you once perceived as chaos, as personal failure, was never chaos at all. It simply did not fit into someone else’s system!!!  When you begin to see through this lens, human behavior stops looking random. It becomes patterned, almost precise. A woman with an anxious attachment does not act out of mystery. She moves from a deep internal pressure, a constant need to regulate her own fear of loss, her own anxiety. Jealousy appears. Control appears. Subtle or not so subtle forms of manipulation emerge, all directed toward one thing: relief from that anxiety. Not truth. Not clarity. Relief! And another person owes that relief to her! THe blame game happens here, guarantees, promises for the future... then very strict punishment... And in that state, another person becomes less of a separate being and more of a mechanism to stabilize her inner state, her inner anxiety... The idea of fully seeing the other, of tolerating who they actually are, becomes secondary to her need to feel safe.

On the other side, an avoidant man operates through a different distortion, but the pattern is just as consistent. He withdraws from intensity, from emotional complexity, from anything that threatens to pull him into depth he does not feel equipped to hold. He doesn't feel safe to go into the depth! Distance becomes his regulation strategy. And through that distance, he implicitly trains the other person to minimize themselves, to stay within boundaries that will not trigger his discomfort and safety trigger. Not because he consciously wants control, but because closeness itself feels like a threat. And so, without words, the relationship begins to organize itself around HIS limits and other people begin to OWE him that "comfort"... not truth... not actual closeness... 

When you see this clearly, something happens inside of you. What once felt personal starts to reveal itself as mechanical. Not meaningless, but very structured. Not random, but very much conditioned. And in that seeing, there is a strange kind of freedom!

But along with that clarity comes something less pleasant. These insights reveal things human beings were perhaps never meant to see. Not because they are forbidden, but because they dismantle the illusions we rely on.

The illusion of “normal.”
The illusion of “special.”

AAAH! I am sure some of you will scream here. Where there once seemed to be a scale of value, better or worse, advanced or not, what remains is something much simpler - VANITY. Or as we say it back home - VAIN GLORY. The mind’s attempt to categorize everything, just to avoid facing the limits of its own perception. 

You are unique. You have no choice. Love THAT!

It almost sounds like a sentence rather than an invitation. Because uniqueness is not a privilege. It is the responsibility of being what you already are, without the option of hiding inside sameness.

And in that moment, a strange sense of loss can arise. Not because anything real is disappearing, it is simply because the structures you relied on begin to fall away... 

Look closer, and you will see something else. Nothing is being lost. You are simply releasing what was never yours to begin with.

Attachment was the distortion, based on the "need", which came from the fear of loss. Not events. Not people. Not circumstances. The distortion came from the way the mind clung, trying to turn everything into something stable, something owned.

The most subtle trap a human being falls into is not fear, and not even pain. It is the vanity of perception. The quiet certainty that you see clearly, while remaining blind to the limits of your own view... When that begins to dissolve, a different kind of freedom appears. Not as an idea,... you actually start living it... as a lived experience... You stop trying to manage life. You become a passenger in your own form. You simply allow! And this is not passivity. It is heightened sensitivity to your own nature. To the intelligence of the body, which often knows before the mind does. To a depth of perception that goes beyond logic, while still including it.

Rationality remains. But it is no longer the center. It becomes a tool, a way to communicate, to share what has been directly lived and understood through experience. And from that place, something rare emerges. A quiet, undeniable enjoyment of being alive! Nah... life and everything else is not perfect!  but everything is yours!

At that point, even “thank you” begins to feel insufficient. What remains is recognition! The recognition that sometimes a person enters your life not to give you answers, but to free you from the need to search for them.

And in that liberation, the real journey begins.