The more good sex a couple has, the more energy, success and money, they seem to create. Sex itself, of course, does not generate money or guarantee achievement. LOL Yet sexuality, creativity, courage, ambition, and the capacity to take up space in the world may all draw from the same source - an abundance of life force. From the experience of being fully alive! DUH! When desire is present... When the body has not been shut down... and YOU FEEL OPEN! When our energy is no longer consumed by restraint, anxiety, resentment, doubt, fear, unspoken truths, hiding or endless attempts to earn love... 

But there is an important distinction here. Without it, this beautiful idea quickly turns into another primitive formula: “If you want more money, have more sex.” Preferably on a schedule!!! AND! For your health too! It should be done also for harmony... and also to preserve the relationship and fulfill your obligations as a spouse, because we are officially married and you must and I must. 

That has nothing to do with what I call good sex. 

Good sex cannot be measured by frequency, duration, sexual techniques, or the number of orgasms. It is not even defined by how “well” everything was performed. LOL Two people can have sex regularly for years without ever truly meeting. You can know your partner’s body without feeling the person who lives inside it. You can perform every familiar movement, reach physical release, and still come away feeling emptier and more alone than before.

Because good sex begins long before anyone is touched. I call it a process... It begins with the desire to see this particular person. Not an abstract male or female body. and not a role, not the familiar partner who is supposed to provide intimacy. BUT a living human being, with their scent, voice, skin, strength, vulnerability, contradictions, fears, and truth. In this kind of encounter, two people are not using each other to release tension, prove their desirability, or maintain the appearance of a relationship. They savor each other. They enjoy the very existence of the other person. They do not rush toward an outcome, in fact they do not want to out a quick outcome, they want to last for as long as possible. They are not trying to demonstrate that they are skilled lovers. They do not travel through each other’s bodies along a route memorized years ago. They are actually there.... 

Good sex happens when I am not simply desired, but encountered. When I can enter intimacy not only beautiful, confident, and seductive, but alive.. sometimes wild, sometimes tender, sometimes hungry, sometimes uncertain. When I no longer need to watch myself from the outside, wondering whether my body looks attractive enough, whether I am moving correctly,  smelling correctly, or what the other person is thinking about me. For a while, I can stop managing the impression I create and allow my body to speak its own language.

There is safety in this kind of sex, but safety does not mean sterility, predictability, or the absence of risk. It creates enough trust to take a deeper risk: to reveal more of ourselves. To say yes when the yes is real. To say no when the body closes. To ask, to slow down, to surrender, to pause, to take, to laugh, to cry, to become stronger, to become softer, to stop performing the role of someone who cannot be hurt... 

Good sex does not always have to be gentle. It can be passionate, animal, fierce, slow, strange, or almost completely still. Its quality is determined by presence rather than form - how it should be. No one disappears... and no one becomes an object, a service, or a means to an end. Even in the most intense encounter, a deep recognition remains: I am here. You are here. And we are both choosing what is happening.

This is why such intimacy can affect a person so profoundly. A man may leave it with his shoulders open and his body grounded. A woman may carry away the feeling that she does not have to make herself smaller to remain loved. Both experience something beyond confirmation of physical attractiveness. They experience permission to be alive, desiring, visible, and fully present. When you savor another, you savor yourself, you savor LIFE itself! And that state inevitably reaches beyond the bedroom. A person enters a room differently. They speak differently. They negotiate, propose, create, risk, and face rejection differently. They are less consumed by the need to prove their value because, in at least one place, they have experienced themselves as whole... and have not been rejected for it.

Good sex does not always give us more energy. Sometimes it simply stops our energy from leaking away. When real intimacy exists, an enormous amount of life force is released from the inner war. We no longer have to constantly wonder whether we are loved, desired, or safe enough to speak the truth. We do not have to obtain touch through resentment, earn desire by being useful, or test love by withholding ourselves. Energy that once circulated inside the relationship as anxiety, suspicion, irritation, silence, and hidden struggle is finally free to move outward... into work, creativity, money, travel, decisions, projects, and life itself.

The couple stops fighting against each other and begins facing the world from the same side. There is somewhere inside the relationship to return to, which makes it easier to take risks outside it. The other person does not become a permanent safety net or someone responsible for maintaining our confidence. The experience of being deeply met simply reminds us that we do not have to defend ourselves from life all the time.

And sometimes something almost mystical happens. Two people discover this rare, living intimacy with each other and both begin to expand. They have more energy, courage, movement, and ideas. Changes happen faster, opportunities appear, money flows more easily.  When you are loved, you are in the state of bliss and inspiration. You glow and the world sees it!

Then, for one reason or another, that connection is interrupted, paused, suppressed by force etc. After a while, both begin to notice that it is not only the body and heart that have contracted. Projects move more slowly. The old excitement disappears. Even money seems to lose its current. Of course, there is no financial equation in which sex automatically produces income and the absence of sex causes financial decline. Life is far more complex than that. Still, external reality sometimes reflects with astonishing precision the places where we have stopped choosing what once made us feel fully alive. Maybe those two people were meeting through more than their bodies. Maybe each of them gained access to a hidden part of themselves in that connection: a daring, free, creative self capable of desiring more. The other person did not create this power. They helped reveal it! And when the relationship changes, we may unknowingly close the door to that part of ourselves as well.

Then it is not only good sex that disappears, our inner permission to desire, receive pleasure, create, risk, and occupy more space in the world begins to shrink with it. Inspirations leaves too... because you are inspired only when you are in this certain state from the inside. 

This is why the absence of good sex cannot be reduced to the absence of physical release. A person can live without sexual intimacy for a long time and still remain sensual, vibrant, and connected to themselves. Their life force may continue moving through creativity, dance, work, nature, spiritual practice, and their relationship with life itself. Another person may be in a relationship, have sex regularly, and slowly fade because the bodies are still meeting while truth has disappeared from the space between them.

Sex with someone the body no longer chooses rarely creates abundance. Sex to maintain peace at home, sex because a partner might become offended, leave, or find someone else... Sex as proof of "committment". Sex as the fulfillment of an obligation. These experiences may provide temporary physical release, but they also ask a person to abandon themselves. The cost of that self-abandonment is often much greater than the pleasure received.

This is also where the conversation about sexual intimacy can be dangerously misunderstood. When we hear that good sex may be connected to energy, relationships, creativity, and even money, anxiety can immediately take over.  Are we having enough sex? Does my partner receive this energy somewhere else? Should they desire me more often? Am I responsible for keeping them sexually fulfilled so they can remain happy and successful? Do I now need to watch more closely, ask more questions, demand reassurance, or control what they do? But control destroys the very thing it is trying to preserve.

Good sex cannot grow out of obligation. It cannot be demanded in the name of personal needs, health, marriage, fidelity, or family well-being. No one owes another person access to their body so that the other will not feel anxious. No one should have to repeatedly confirm through sex that the relationship still exists. The moment intimacy becomes a duty, a report, or a condition of emotional safety, the encounter begins to disappear. The bodies may still touch, but control is now standing between them.

The conversation about good sex is not an invitation to present another person with an invoice. It is an invitation to ask ourselves honestly: do I actually know what good sex feels like? Have I ever experienced a space where we truly savored each other? Where no one was serving, retaining, convincing, or using the other? Where desire was alive, mutual, and free? Where I became more myself after intimacy instead of feeling that I had traded away a part of myself to preserve the relationship?

And if that kind of sex has ever existed, the body knows. The body remembers the difference. Afterward, there is more than satisfaction. There is the warmth of recognition. Sometimes there is almost a sense of wonder that this particular person exists. You want to look at them a little longer, touch them, listen to their breathing, or listen to their heartbeat... There is no feeling of having completed a task. There is a sense that, for a moment, two people touched a source greater than either of them.

This is why good sex is connected to abundance. Abundance does not begin with quantity. It begins with the experience that I am allowed to desire. I am allowed to feel. I am allowed to receive pleasure. I am allowed to be seen. I am allowed to risk and take up space. I am allowed to meet another human being without abandoning myself. Money, creativity, confidence, love, and the courage to move into the world can all grow from that inner permission.

Good sex guarantees nothing. It cannot save a relationship by itself, automatically create a successful business, or replace the need to make adult decisions. But it can become one of those rare places where life stops being a project we are trying to perform correctly.

And two people simply savor each other. No boxes to check... No debt to pay... No one to control... There is no more "deal" to make... As if, for a moment, they remember how much life they actually contain.