There is a moment that cannot be explained to someone until they live through it themselves. A moment when the expectation that someone will come and save you disappears. When the hope that one day a sign, a permission, a confirmation will appear dissolves. When it suddenly becomes clear...  no one is coming. No, the world is not cruel. No one is coming, because there is no one who can come. And this is not emptiness. It is the return of your own power.

We were raised in a model where God is perceived as an external observer. As a higher intelligence that already knows the ending. As an architect who created the blueprint and now simply watches its execution. In this model, a person always exists inside a script that has already been written. They may suffer, resist, pray, but the outcome already exists somewhere ahead. They truly believe that God knows the outcome, so they prefer to pray to God to give them something in the future, however, they do not want to move their own body into that future. They are disappointed with God asking "how could You allow THIS to happen? WHY did you allow THIS to happen?" etc. No one is hearing you out there... 

There is another experience. And it is not an idea, or some belief. It is an experience that the future does not exist in advance. That it is not stored somewhere and all you need is to pick a "right" path. It doesn't exist! The path is not waiting for us. There is a blueprint out there, out of that massive darkness called abundant opportinities. So, there is a blueprint of everything you ever wanted... It's like if you read a book on how to do a brain surgery, you don't become a doctor, you actually need to go through the actual experience.. So that path that exists in that dark matter?  That it is being born. Right now. By YOU! Free will? it is YOU! right now... 

There is no point where it is already written who you will become in five years. There is only THIS moment in which choice occurs. Even if that choice seems small... Even if it is simply the decision to stay or to leave... To speak or to remain silent... To trust or to close... The future is not waiting for you. It arises through you.

And then the very possibility of blaming God disappears. Because it becomes clear: creation does not happen separately from us. It happens through us. Through our actions. Through our fears. Through our honesty. Through our compromises and through our courage. And then a new form of responsibility appears. Not as guilt, rather clarity. Not because you must, because it is no longer possible not to "see" it... I would rather say - know it! 

The first thing that arrives with this understanding is not euphoria. What arrives is calm. There is no longer a need to prove anything to anyone. No need to search for confirmation. No need to wait for someone to tell you whether you are living correctly or not. The familiar tension of seeking external authority disappears inside.

A very simple feeling appears: my life is the result of my own movement. Not a punishment and not an accident. It is also not someone else’s decision, but the continuation of my own choices. And with this, the last illusion of childhood disappears - the illusion of a savior, a Father...  No one will come to teach you how to live your life. No one can walk this path for you. Not because people are indifferent, because the structure of existence itself is different. Creation is only possible from within. 

Even God cannot live your life for you. Because life itself is the way through which God becomes real. Through your hands. Through your decisions. Through your attention. At some point, a paradoxical feeling appears. As if there is a general direction. As if life itself has a vector. As if you did not end up here by accident, in this body, among these people. As if there is an inner design... not as a rigid script, but as a potential... for your own growth, creation, happiness, sorrows etc. And at the same time, it becomes clear that the path itself is never written in advance. In fact, God doesn't know the future. Nobody does! In that dark matter - EVERYTHING is possible. So, that is the future God knows. What will YOU choose as YOUR future? God doesn't know. Because God lives through your body right now, learning how to perform a brain surgery... with YOU! In that dark matter God read all possible books about it, but it is through YOU God actually creates THIS evolution for humanity, for this life on earth. The mission of your life, however small it might seem, is huge! even if you grow herbs, if you are not celebrity, a someone famous... your mission is extremely important. You are walking God who is learning whatever it is you are actually DOING! Because doing IS creation. There is no one who will make any decisions for you, God doesn't know what would be the right decision for you in this moment. He is also learning together with you right now. 

It can be imagined as the riverbed of a river. The riverbed exists. It sets direction. It shapes possibilities and limitations. But the water itself never flows in advance. It flows only now. Every curve is created in the moment of movement. There is no pre-existing future. There is only movement that becomes the future. Today is the place where everything that will exist later is being created. Not in theory. In_you_actions.

Another subtle observation arises in this state. The feeling that life seems to repeat itself. Not literally... Not as a copy.... Like a structure. The same inner themes return in different forms. The same feelings appear next to different people. The same choices arise again and again until true awareness occurs. This is not a circle, like karmic one. It is a spiral! Each turn resembles the previous one, but is never identical. Each time there is an opportunity to see deeper. To see what previously remained invisible. To make a choice that was not possible before. Reality does not repeat itself mechanically. It deepens itself through you. and we have started a new cycle! so, at the end of it, if you are not happy with the results - there is no one to blame other than you. Where did you betray yourself? Where did you compromise because of your fears? Where did you rely on others to save you, to make decisions for you, to show you directions....? 

Until something is lived consciously, it returns, not as punishment. It returns to you as an opportunity to complete what you started, but never actually went with it, however, the original plan as an idea is still hanging out there. When true understanding occurs, repetition disappears. Because there is no longer a need to reproduce what has already been seen and lived through. For example, I do not want to go back to certain scenarious, because internally I feel a totality of their completion. The other day I was thinkin that I would not want to go back to another body and learn how to eat, poop, walk, talk, think etc. I don't want to be a baby again... a child... a student... I am sure I could learn so much again. but I feel tired. Today I am remembering how old my soul is actually... 

When a person first touches this state, a risk appears. Not the risk of losing power. The risk of claiming it. Of creating from it a new personality. A new identity. A new image of oneself. “I am special now.” “I know now.” “I am above.” This is the most subtle moment. Because power that becomes part of the personality stops being power. It becomes defense. Real power has almost no external appearance. It does not need confirmation. It does not create distance between a person and the world. It does not make a person above others. It makes them quieter. It removes the need to prove. It removes the fear of being ordinary. It removes the tension of control. It returns a person to actual life - which is the main mission. Not to the image of life. To life itself! 

Perhaps the most radical realization is this: God is not an observer who already knows everything. God is the process of becoming itself. Not a fixed point. A living movement. Not the one who already knows who you will become. But the one who becomes through you. This does not make the person the center of the universe. It dissolves the division between center and periphery.

Life does not happen somewhere else. It happens here. Through every attention. Through every action. And there is no grandiosity in this. There is simplicity. You did not come here to wait for your life to begin. You came here to be the place where it happens.