I have been noticing more and more often a very simple, deeply bodily sensation. This recognition happens through the body itself. There are no thoughts there, no concepts, no polished spiritual ideas. It lives on a deeper, almost animal level of sensing. And for me, it reveals itself through scent. I smell people! I mean this more literally than most are comfortable with. And I don't need to hug you tight, even though hugging gives me more information about you on that smell level... Maybe that is why I love to touch people and hug them? The other day I told my contractor that he smelled like one of my relatives. He looked at me, slightly alarmed, and said he had showered that morning. I told him he was missing the point. It had nothing to do with cleanliness. Something in his natural scent simply registered as familiar to my nervous system. He laughed and said he always suspected I was a little unusual, but that because he's been living in my forest house renovating it for about 6 months now, maybe he blended in. Potentially! 

But the body does keep its own language. In every new place where I have to spend the night, I notice that I instinctively "check" the pillow. Not consciously at first. It is almost automatic. And if I can bring my own pillow, I usually do. Scent is one of the fastest ways my body decides whether it can fully relax.

People carry very different energetic signatures in their smell. Sometimes a particular note of familiarity appears before the mind understands why. I am starting to see that these subtle recognitions often arrive early, almost like quiet signals about the kinds of people who are beginning to enter my life.

There are people around whom my body exhales before I can explain why. There are spaces where my skin softens and my breath deepens. There is work my hands move toward on their own, without inner bargaining. And there are situations where a subtle tension appears inside, the kind I once learned to ignore or dismiss as insignificant.

This is how Ostara speaks to me now, as a refinement of sensitivity. Not as a philosophical choice and not as a beautiful idea about a new chapter. It feels more like the moment when I stop persuading myself with words and begin to feel honestly where something is truly mine and where it is not.  For a long time we were trained to choose with the mind, according to what is correct, safe, reasonable, and socially approved. Yet the body has never stopped knowing the truth. It simply grew quieter each time it was overridden by logic or fear.

The phrase “the scent of my man” can sound provocative at first. But the more carefully I listen into it, the more I understand that it reaches far beyond a phisical form of one person. It points to the capacity to recognize one’s own people at the level of the nervous system... at the level of cosmos.... The scent of one’s own is the place where I do not need to contract to be understood. My voice flows more freely there. My shoulders drop on their own. There is no inner pressure to become smaller, quieter, or more convenient. That thin background tension I once accepted as normal begins to dissolve.

The body always distinguishes faster than the mind. It reads micro-signals: another person’s breathing rhythm, tone of voice, way of looking, way of being silent nearby. When I truly slow down and return attention to myself, the contrast becomes very clear. Around some people, life rises in me. Around others, only functionality remains.

Ostara brings me back to this precise point of discernment.

And this is not only about relationships. I can feel the scent of what I am creating. The taste of my projects. The texture of my work. There is work that feeds only the mind. There is work that supports the nervous system. And there is that rare line where the body gives a quiet but steady yes.

That is where my vector is turning now. It rarely arrives as a dramatic moment. More often it comes through subtle signals: I want to stay longer in this conversation… I want to return to this text… I want to play this music again… my body naturally chooses this rhythm of movement. When I stop interrupting these impulses with habitual logic, they begin to assemble into a very precise path. 

For me, Ostara is not a time for abrupt decisions. It is a season for refining sensitivity. I am relearning how to trust the way my body responds. Where warmth appears. Where living interest awakens. Where the breath deepens. Where my voice gains density. Where the taste of life returns to the body. Perhaps the most honest question of this season is very simple: where does it truly smell like mine. My people. My man. My work. My way of living.

And am I willing to move in that direction even if my mind does not yet understand the full map due to limitations of the programmed vocabulary at this point. 

Reflection block 1. Choosing your vector (writing practice)

Take a notebook and answer quickly, without editing yourself. Let the body answer before the mind explains.

City / place of living
— Why am I living here right now?
— In this choice, what was driven by safety and what was driven by a living inner pull and inner response?
— If I listened only to my body, would I stay here or begin to shift something?

Home / physical space
— Does my body relax here or live in low-grade background tension?
— Does this home reflect who I am now or who I used to be?
— What in my space genuinely feels and smells like me?

Work / vocation
— Where in my work do I feel real aliveness in my body?
— Where am I acting mainly from duty or obligation?
— What would I keep doing even without external pressure or reward?

People / environment
— With whom does my body naturally exhale?
— Around whom do I subtly contract?
— Where am I fully myself and where am I mostly functional?

Money
— Am I earning primarily from tension or from flow?
— Where does money move through me with the least inner resistance?
— What do I maintain purely for stability but without real inner taste?

Final integration question
In most of my current choices, what is leading more strongly: fear, habit, or the living response of my body?

Write honestly, not beautifully.

Reflection block 2. Automatic writing — true union (21 days)

Write by hand daily for 10 to 15 minutes without stopping. Let the words move before the mind organizes them.

Week 1. Somatic recognition

1. How does my body respond to a man/woman who is truly mine?
2. How do I sense in my body when someone is not my person?
3. Where in the past did I override clear body signals?
4. How does true closeness feel in my body?
5. When do I feel genuinely desired rather than evaluated?
6. What in masculine/feminine presence allows my body to soften?
7. What immediately makes me close or guard myself?

Week 2. Shadow and truth

1. Where do I still choose from fear of being alone?
2. Where might I confuse trauma chemistry with real attraction?
3. What kind of union actually scares me if I am honest?
4. What do I fear losing if I truly meet my person?
5. Where am I still willing to make myself smaller in relationship?
6. How do I recognize when I am being truly chosen?
7. What is absolutely non-negotiable for me in partnership?

Week 3. Future attunement

1. What relationship rhythm feels sustainable in my body?
2. How does a mature man/woman behave in my presence?
3. How does my voice sound when I am with my person?
4. What do we create together beyond emotion alone?
5. Where in my body do I feel a steady, grounded yes?
6. What kind of union strengthens my life force?
7. Where am I ready to turn now?