07.05.2026 | 07.05.2026 | Категория
LifeI think people do not fully understand how terrifying and sacred human will truly is at the same time. We are used to thinking of destiny as something external, as if life simply carries us somewhere on its own... as if love, if it is real, MUST survive without our participation. But over time, after looking at my own life as one long process and experience, I started to see something... a pattern... a cause and effect... Even our deepest connections do not exist separately from human choice. They do not live in a vacuum. They are either embodied into reality or slowly abandoned until they die.
I spent a long time reflecting on how people destroy their own lives. And strangely, it often has very little to do with the absence of love. More often, people become terrified of what love will actually require from them once it arrives.
People pray for love. They ask God for it. They beg life for depth, truth, connection, passion, meaning and true intimacy.... And then one day love finally enters their life… and suddenly they begin trying to avoid it. “Not the right time.” “Not the right person.” “Not the right circumstances.” “Not the right location.” Endless conditions appear the moment love stops being fantasy and starts demanding embodiment.. starts demanding a choice... starts demanding a form - HERE! I AM HERE! YOU CALLED MY NAME!
But love itself does not create conditions. We do! Love simply arrives. Pure... Alive... Open... And then it asks the real question: are you willing to become honest enough to live it now? Because love will require something from you. It will ask you to step beyond that "comfort" from where you were so desperate to beg for love. Beyond performance. Beyond carefully managed emotional safety. It WILL expose your fears, your contradictions, your attachments, your masks, your avoidance. It WILL ask you to choose. Fully... Consciously... Repeatedly... And this is the moment where human will becomes everything.
Love almost says: “You asked for me. Here I am. Are you ready to walk this path?” And suddenly many people realize they wanted the feeling of love without the transformation love inevitably brings. They wanted inspiration without responsibility. Depth without risk. Destiny without embodiment. But real love carries enormous responsibility because it expands reality itself. It asks a person to become aware of their own power. To understand: I am the one who asked for this and life answered me. This is not punishment when you get it, "not so perfect" in your mind.... This is blessing for you! And perhaps this is why gratitude matters so much more than fear. Because the moment fear becomes stronger than gratitude, people begin shutting down the very thing they once prayed to receive.
People have fear of the future, fear of change, fear of not being enough, fear of losing the familiar structure of themselves... And at some point, a person unconsciously begins choosing emotional safety instead of life itself. Risk management instead of movement. Familiarity instead of the unknown.
And the most paradoxical part is that this too is will. Quiet, invisible... but still will. In the Bible they call it a "free will"... You don't see how you have it every second, but you do... Sometimes a person seems to say to God as if testing Him, questionning Him, to show off His powers! “If this is truly mine, then let it survive on its own.” But life does not work that way. YOU are the one with the BODY, not God... The world (God) does not hold for us what we ourselves stopped holding. A garden that nobody tends eventually becomes overgrown by the earth... everything you don't need WILL be recycled back... Even the strongest feelings, without presence, action, and choice, slowly dissolve back into potential... even memories of these feelings... Love does not stay where she is not welcomed...
Several years ago, I had a very strange experience in New York. I was practicing with Mark Komissarov, where we were being taught to perceive space without using the eyes. During the exercises, I wore a blackout mask through which it was physically impossible to see light or shapes. And at some point, something happened that completely changed my understanding of intention and reality... First, I started perceiving colors. They do look different when you don't use your eyes... It takes time to actually "see" the color... and most of the time colors will blend a bit, you might confuse green with blue (without eyes - these colors are kind of similar on energetic level). Then outlines of people. Then letters and symbols... But the strangest part was not even that I was “seeing”, even though I was so happy! It was the way it was happening. It did not feel like ordinary vision through the eyes. It felt more as if consciousness itself was directly touching form, bypassing the usual physical mechanism entirely. I was "seeing" with my skin and my whole beeing...
And one day during practice, I decided to run an experiment. I typed the number 4 on a computer screen, expecting that somehow I would see it internally, like an image appearing inside my mind. But something completely different happened. The number did not appear inside my head. It was standing on the table. Massive! Almost two meters tall. Three-dimensional... Rotating in space. I actually had to physically step backward to fully "see" it. That was the moment I deeply realized something: everything our consciousness interacts with already exists somewhere as form. Intention is NOT empty. Choice is NOT abstract. Even a thought initiates movement within reality itself...
This is why human will is both dangerous and sacred. We THINK we are “doing nothing” when we let something drift on its own. But that too IS an action. That too IS a choice. If a person internally decides NOT to build, NOT to hold, NOT to care, NOT to reach out, NOT to be enganged, NOT to embody... then a very specific process begins moving through reality... Destruction rarely arrives as one sudden catastrophe. More often, it begins as a gradual withdrawal from participating in the creation of life itself... Then life will do what it does - it will take it away from you... permanently... Your WILL is the LAW.
And I think many people deeply underestimate this. They want to test God, destiny, love, life itself. They want proof before participation. They want certainty before embodiment. They want to stand outside the experience and somehow verify whether it is “real” first. So they begin asking questions like: “If this is truly mine, will it remain WITHOUT my participation?” But the moment you ask that question to test, you are already creating an intention. And intention carries power. Intention reorganizes reality. Even withdrawal is an action. Even avoidance is participation.
The deeper paradox is this: how can YOU exist WITHOUT YOU?
To exist in this reality already requires participation. You have a body. You breathe. You eat. You sleep. You move. You make choices every single day. Even survival itself depends on constant interaction with reality. Simple things like drinking water, eating food, or breathing are forms of participation. So how can a person suddenly decide that love, destiny, purpose, or life itself should somehow continue existing WITHOUT their involvement? It becomes almost absurd when you look at it closely. Imagine someone saying: “If life truly wants me alive, then my body should survive without me eating or drinking.” Fine... Stop participating then... Within days, the body collapses. And you can't blame God for it! God did NOT abandoned you... You did! Existence itself is relational! Reality is built through interaction!
The same applies to love. To purpose. To connection. To creation.
People sometimes try to place responsibility entirely onto God or destiny because they are TERRIFIED of their own creative power. They want the universe to make the decision for them so they never have to fully risk themselves... even though they risk it every day, they continue risking living mediocre life, risking to stage in the cage, risking to be prisoners.... and life keeps responding to the will that is actually being expressed, not the fantasy inside someone’s head.
And this is where many people unknowingly destroy the very things they prayed for. They say they want love, but their actions communicate fear and avoidance... They say they want transformation, but their choices reinforce safety and emotional self-protection... They say they want destiny, but they refuse embodiment... They say they want truth, but they only want the version of truth that does not dismantle their current identity. Turth doesn't have versions! They want revelation without collapse. Awareness without consequence. They want truth to comfort them, validate them, reassure them… while remaining untouched by it... How? Stop eating and you WILL see material consequences on your body AND YOUR LIFE. It happens through your body!
Real truth is alive. It reorganizes things. It exposes contradictions. It forces a person to see where they are divided against themselves. People say they want freedom, but then cling to the very structures imprisoning them because those structures feel familiar. They say they want deep love, but panic the moment love asks them to become emotionally naked. They say they want purpose and great mission, but avoid the responsibility and discipline purpose requires once it stops being fantasy and starts becoming real. Everything will require a form...
And this is where the human mind becomes incredibly skilled at creating sophisticated spiritual excuses. “Maybe this is not meant for me.” “Maybe God has another plan.” “Maybe if it is truly mine, it will come back later.” and another one of my favorite "Not in this life"...
Sometimes that may even be true. But often these phrases are not surrender. They are fear disguised as spirituality... The fear is wearing a spiritual outfit now... Because surrender and avoidance carry completely different energies. Real surrender feels peaceful, grounded, complete... There is no obsessive longing inside it. No constant looking backward. No inner fragmentation. Life continues moving naturally.
Avoidance feels different. Something remains unresolved. The mind keeps circling the same reality. The heart keeps returning to the same unfinished space. The soul keeps feeling the weight of an unlived life somewhere beneath the surface.
And maybe this is why so many people suffer. Not because life failed them, but because at some point they abandoned their own participation in it while still secretly hoping the garden would somehow continue blooming on its own.
Yet embodiment IS the point.
A soul came into a body precisely to participate... To choose... To act... To create... To care for the garden while it is alive! Constant interraction! Because the moment you withdraw your presence from something long enough, reality reorganizes around that withdrawal.
And perhaps this is one of the hardest truths about human existence: God may open the door, but human will still has to walk through it.
Just as that number 4 once appeared before me in space, our fears, doubts, avoidance, and refusal to choose also begin taking form. First energetically. Then emotionally. Then physically. And one day a person wakes up inside a life they themselves have been creating for years, sometimes consciously and sometimes through their own passivity.
For the first time, I truly understood that we ourselves create our lives like gods, and we ourselves destroy them like gods as well. It is not always destiny that destroys our lives. Very often it is fear that gains authority over our decisions. We begin destroying the very blessing we asked for, something bright and alive before it even had the chance to fully unfold, simply because we fear pain, failure, judgment, or the unknown... we demand guaranteed first... then stop asking for something you are not ready for!
And then comes the hardest part. Once everything is already over, we will never know what it could have actually become... What kind of life could have been born. What version of ourselves might have emerged... What forms of love or truth might have unfolded beyond fear... We are left only with speculation and the echo of something that was never fully lived... and it is YOUR burden to deal with this regret until the day you die, and you take THIS regret with you to God...
Perhaps this is why regret does not follow every loss. Regret appears when we betray something alive inside ourselves out of fear rather than clarity. Because when something truly ends consciously, there is no longer longing for it. No constant return to the past. No looping back over and over... No unfinished inner reality pulling at the soul. Life simply continues naturally... But when a person walks away from something not because love disappeared, but because fear became stronger than love, a strange feeling remains inside. Almost like a parallel life continues to exist somewhere beyond reach. A version of destiny that can no longer be touched... and you may suspect that you are the one who destroyed something prematurily... there is nobody to blame for it... YOU decided not to eat...
And perhaps this is one of the most adult realizations a human being can arrive at: God does not always destroy our lives. Very often, He simply allows our own will to create exactly what we truly chose. He respects everything we create... nothing is random and nothing is wasted... even our regrets are sacred...
