Sometimes life doesn’t break loudly. It simply stops agreeing with you. The body, at some quiet point, says “no,” and that “no” carries more truth than all the explanations of the mind. The inner consent has disappeared and there was no drama and nothing happened. And it is exactly here that something rarely named begins a return to oneself through the interruption of contact.

We are used to thinking that relationships are built on actions. To speak or stay silent. To move closer or pull away. To stay or to leave. But this is only the surface. Before any action, there is always a deeper layer — intention. And it is this that really shapes your reality. I know you are probably tired of hearing it from all the corners of the Universe... blah... blah.. blah... but hear me out.  Intention is invisible. It doesn’t speak in words. But it is always present in the field. A person may speak gently and correctly, but if underneath there is a desire to wound, to prove, to defend, or to hold on... it has already been transmitted. AND YOU FEEL IT! Your body has the ability to scan the situation without even hearing what the other person is saying and catch slight differences... It is all registered in your body, in your subconsious. Have you even felt like a person is smiling and not even yelling at you, but it feels like a criticism? So that intent has already entered the space between two people. This is why “I didn’t mean to hurt you” almost always comes too late. Because hurt is not created by words. It is created by intention.

And when someone begins to see this layer, something definitly changes. They realize that consequences do not begin after action. They begin earlier... much earlier...  in the moment when the inner direction is formed. If the intention is to support, to be present, to genuinely meet another no matter what truth they are about to say, then even imperfect words carry natural softness. But if the intention is to elevate oneself, to protect, to prove, to justify, to cover insecurity, or to control, then even beautiful words carry tension. And that tension is always felt! 

This is where most relationships quietly lose their aliveness. Not because people forgot how to speak, but because they stopped being honest with their own intentions. They maintain the structure, but lose the depth. They continue acting, but are no longer truly there.

There is a fracture here that is rarely spoken out loud. True partners share the very things they are most afraid to say... the things they THINK could destroy the relationship. But that is where living truth resides. That is where depth lives.. Everything else is adaptation.

When truth does not happen, distance appears. Sometimes subtly. It can exist inside a marriage, inside a shared home, even inside the same bed. People may live side by side and never truly meet. They actually do not know who they are living with! It's like you look at the picture of fire and think it is real fire, even trying to warm up your hands at this picture... but warmth doesn't appear... They may touch bodies, but not touch each other’s reality.

And this is where it becomes necessary to pause and look at the structure of marriage itself and what can be called a spiritual union, without idealization and without blame. Because marriage as a form is a social construct. It is designed to hold stability, distribute roles, and create predictability. Within it, people can live an entire life fulfilling obligations, being “good” partners, maintaining external order. But form does not guarantee presence. It can continue to exist even when real contact has long disappeared. 

This is why, within marriage, a quiet silence often forms around what matters most. People feel that something is gone, that there is distance, that there are unspoken desires, attractions, doubts, but they do not bring this into the space. Not because they do not see it, simply because they are afraid of destroy the system that holds their lives together. I call it "uncomfortable comfort". It is familiar... It is only comfortable for your mind... because it is familiar. It is known for your mind! They choose to preserve the structure instead of risking truth... And at that moment, the connection stops being alive, it becomes maintained.

In a spiritual union, the movement is reversed. There, truth holds the connection, not form. And because of that, it becomes impossible to remain in comfortable distortion for long. The union always grows, it may not be familiar to your mind, so it may appear to be uncomfortable. Maybe even painful! Pain appears because there was an illusion (made up in  your mind after all) about some future picture... but truth shows the reality... In this union, partners share the very things that feel most dangerous to the relationship... the things that could “destroy everything”, because they understand: if it is not spoken, the destruction has already happened. Not because truth destroys, but because unspoken truth creates a fracture that cannot be repaired through actions.

This radically changes the nature of intimacy. In marriage, there is often the idea: “I won’t say this so I don’t hurt them,” “I’ll stay silent to preserve what we have.” In a spiritual union, a different principle emerges: if I do not speak, I am already not with you. Because I leave a part of myself outside of the connection... And then we are no longer meeting fully, only through the parts that are safe... I want you to know me, who I am, with all my parts... because this is who I am, this is what I can give and this is what my fire feels like. 

And this is where it becomes clear why the body begins to refuse intimacy in relationships where truth is not alive. Because the body cannot merge where there is no wholeness. It feels the fracture and stops opening. The form can continue, sleeping in the same bed, touching, fulfilling roles, but it is no longer union. It is movement without depth. In men, the signal is his erection. In women - it is gaining weight and "sicknesses" of all kinds. 

A spiritual union does not promise comfort. It does not guarantee stability in the conventional sense. It does not rely on “this is how it’s supposed to be.” Its only foundation is honesty of state. And because of that, it requires a level of maturity that cannot be performed. Because there is nowhere to hide. It is not possible to remain in connection while concealing the core movements within yourself.

And yet, paradoxically, this kind of honesty creates a much deeper safety. Not the kind built on agreements and compromises where both are not fully satisfied anyway (it's like you did get your soup, but someone spit in it and you know it), but the kind that emerges from transparency. There is no need to guess, to interpret, to test. Because there is no second layer. No hidden tension to decode.

In this sense, a spiritual union does not oppose marriage as an institution. It simply does not depend on it. It can exist within a marriage if truth is alive. And it can be absent even in a perfect external structure with all the legalities. Because the question is not the status. The question is whether two people are truly present with each other. And that is why God said that true unions are blessed in heaven. and Jesus spoke his truth... his love... 

And this is where everything converges: body, intention, austerity, intimacy. Because when truth disappears, the body closes, intention distorts, and connection becomes an exchange of need. And when truth returns, even without action, even without decisions, the space between people changes. Sometimes this leads to deeper closeness. Sometimes to honest separation. But in both cases, it is movement from life, not from fear of losing the form.

The body feels this long before the mind understands. Sometimes it shows up sharply: a woman suddenly realizes she cannot be intimate with a man she has been with for years, for example. It's just like that! And she couldn't explain why... Just "nope". She cannot. Even when nothing “obvious” is wrong. This is the body recognizing that the contact is no longer true and body can't go on like this any longer. I remember I used to run like a maniac... I tortured my own body, ignoring ALL signs, pretending I didn't feel pain... then I had a fracture of the femor bone and learnt how to walk again... Body broke and stopped me... So, it's like that, sharply. And the mind tries to explain. To assign blame. To construct a story. But the body does not operate through stories. It responds to what is real in the field. And when there is tension, fear, or disconnection, it closes.

This is where austerity begins. And this is not a spiritual discipline of some sort or an idea of being “better.” It becomes a necessity... a restoration of boundaries.  Austerity here is the refusal to enter contact that distorts or drains. It is the creation of space where nothing "foreign" enters without awareness. Where the body can return to its own rhythm naturally... Because every interaction is an exchange. Not only of words or emotions, but of states as well... 

This becomes especially visible in new connections. Imagine a woman who has left a long relationship where intimacy has already faded. She meets another man. There is warmth, presence, responsiveness. The connection feels alive. It meets needs that have long been unmet: to feel seen, desired, alive. At first, everything is new and it feels real. and it is! however, something subtle begins to happen. She notices reactions in herself that were never there before. Weird thoughts, emotional patterns, inner states, internal movements that do not feel like her. As if she is becoming someone else! At first, this can be rationalized. But the feeling persists and intencifies... And eventually it becomes clear: this is not just influence, it is permeability. Because physical intimacy (sex) opens the body. Not only to pleasure, but to exchange... energy exchange! And if that man is connected to other women, other emotional dynamics, other internal worlds.. this does not remain separate. It enters the shared field with this woman... And she may begin to live not only her own experience, but fragments of others... Feel what is not hers... React in ways that are foreign... This is when the body says “stop” again... the system is overwhelmed...  Because the boundaries have dissolved... His field is distorted by hidden currents, by those masks (picture of a fire vs. actual fire). 

Body stops everything, because she must return to herself. And here, austerity is no longer an idea. It becomes protection. You know that body is designed to survive, to live, to get you out of shit, to continue life, to get you on your path! when you have a fever - your body is healing itself... When you cry - your body is healing itself... 

Austerity here is where the absence of contact becomes valuable. Where silence becomes nourishing. Where inner stillness begins to outweigh temporary warmth. This is a turning point. Where intimacy is no longer automatically seen as nourishment. Where it becomes clear that some forms of closeness give warmth briefly, but require deep internal repair afterward. 

And here, a new maturity begins. Not the kind that rejects relationships. But the kind that discerns. 

From where am I moving?
Is this a choice, or a need?
Is this connection, or an attempt to fill emptiness?

And here a simple, difficult truth emerges: when there is dependency or need (I need this woman, because she is conveniently available for sex any time my penis wants a release etc.), perception becomes distorted. Interaction may be vivid, intense, even beautiful. But if it is driven by need, the clarity disappears. One begins to justify, to ignore, to adjust... to delay the truth... and start wearing masks... need always distorts intention.

This is why patterns repeat, even in different forms. Because the source remains unchanged. Meaning you can find another woman/man, but most likely you'd end up with the same outcome... 

But when a person goes deeper, they begin to see that impulse before action. Take jealousy, for example. Ordinarily, it expresses as criticism, devaluation, subtle aggression. These are defensive actions, and their outcomes are predictable: you WILL create distance, tension, blame and control games. But if one pauses and looks deeper, something else is revealed. Pause your reaction (action) of all that expressed criticism and aggression and name it - I am jealous. When you say it out loud before you want to jump into aggression, see the truth in you - I am jealous... Why? beneath jealousy - attachment... name it! I am attached to this person and I am afraid to lose them! why? And beneath that — love. Name it - I am acting this way, because I love them.  When a person reaches this layer, control is no longer necessary. Words change on their own, because the inner conflict dissolves. When you find out that you love them, do you want to hurt them? no! Even if you've been together for 20-30 years and find yourself in negativity, because you both already moved on... you will still find love there for each other, but it probably won't be a romantic love, but love between best friends. 

When you name it all, what appears is something very simple. Truth. A truth that does not need to be defended. That does not require response. That does not create pressure. It simply is. And from this place, a different kind of union becomes possible.

Not one held together by obligation.
Not one structured by roles.
Not one sustained by compromise.

But one grounded in transparency.

Where a person does not hide what is real within them, even if it is uncomfortable, even if it changes everything. Because they understand: if truth is withheld, distance is already created. And in such a union, there is no need to hold the other. Because each remains rooted in themselves. And from that, a different kind of closeness emerges. Not born from need and dependency, rather from choice. And the phase this woman moves through is not loneliness. It is transition. 

From connection driven by dependency — to connection rooted in state.
From action — to intention.
From structure — to essence.

And this transition almost always passes through a pause... Through austerity.... Through emptiness... Through the refusal of familiar ways of receiving warmth.... Because only in that space does it become clear what is truly one’s own. And only from here can one meet another not as a source... but as an equal. 

And the question shifts. It is no longer “who should I be with?” It becomes: from what state am I ready to enter connection?