Recently, I heard a phrase that created a deep silence inside me. It was not new for me, it was true and it simply reminded me of things. An apology that does not lead to change is not an apology. It is simply a way to buy time. A way to preserve the image of being a good person without truly transforming anything. It is a manipulation!  

We all know this pattern. First, something happens that causes pain. Of course, nobody meant to cause this pain on purpose. We all think of ourselves, our needs first, our pain first... But another person got hurt! Then come the words. Sometimes emotional. Sometimes convincing. Sometimes even spoken with tears. "Please forgive me". And at that moment you want to believe. You do not believe the words themselves, you believe the person. The one you know.! The one you remember! The one you hope still exists! But time passes, and the same thing happens again.

And in that moment, something becomes clear. The apology was not an ending of hurt and even violence. It was a manipulation... 

A real apology never exists on its own. It is always connected to an inner decision. Even if it is never spoken aloud, it reveals itself through behavior. Right, BEHAVIOR! Not through attempts to not do it again... Not through promises... Behavior - through the absence of repetition. 

Because when someone truly becomes aware, something shifts inside them. And that shift makes the previous action no longer possible. At that moment there is no fear nor guilt. But there is the connection to oneself.... it has been restored, and causing harm no longer feels aligned with who they are. This is where it becomes important to understand what repentance truly is.

Repentance is not a ritual for washing away guilt publicly, so public can forgive them... then it's the theater with the main actor and audience... Repetance is not a performance meant to quiet the conscience while secretly continuing the same behavior. It is not a negotiation with one’s own shadow. Repentance is a direct encounter with oneself... without justification, without escape. It is the moment when a person stops turning away from their own truth and makes a radical decision to no longer cause harm, neither to others nor to themselves. This process happens internally. Without witnesses. Without ceremony. Without the need to prove anything to anyone.

True repentance is radical self-forgiveness. Not in the sense of granting oneself permission to continue, but in the sense of no longer needing to repeat the behavior at all. It is the moment when a person stops unconsciously punishing themselves through repetition and reclaims authorship over their own life. This is the true confession - to see your own truth and not to turn away from it, but rather welcome it. You don't confess to another person, you confess to yourself... Because the root of repentance is not guilt, and not shame and not even fear (of punishment). The root is awareness. When an experience has been fully seen. Fully understood. Fully integrated. And there is no longer any need to repeat it in order to learn its lesson.

Sometimes apologies are used as a form of permission. As if saying “I’m sorry” creates moral space to begin the cycle again. As if pain can be closed without transforming its source. But the soul always knows the difference.

Love can be patient. It can see light in someone’s imperfections. But there is a boundary beyond which the question is no longer about love. It becomes a question of dignity. There is a place inside each of us that knows when truth has been betrayed. And there comes a moment when it becomes necessary to stop accepting anything less than respect for one’s own wholeness.

Because true closeness does not require endless apologies. It lives in care. In clarity. In the quiet consistency of actions that no longer contradict the heart. 

And this is where real honesty begins. With oneself. And with the world.